Cookie Empire
Building a Cookie Empire
Ax expat wife. A datin. A wife of a rich businessman. A string of thoughts and associations come to your mind right away. Morning coffees at the Bangsar Shopping Complex, early afternoon treatments at this new contemporary balanese spa, afternoon teas at Carcossa. Evening is reserved for pleasing their husbands. I refuse to agree this is stereotyping, just venture out and look.
I’ve caught a glimpse of this worrying world of wealthy but very lost wives by spending time with a mother of a friend of mine. An expat woman herself, with a routine of manicurist visits pre-scheduled days in advance, shopping hunts for the latest Prada handbags, dinner ‘musts’ at the most atmospheric, posh restaurants in town. An expat woman unhappy in her marriage, unhappy with herself, looking for ways to boost her self-esteem, finding consolation in the fact that all her friends are exactly the same.
Why do we, women, choose to become victims? I refuse to comprehend and accept.
On one side it’s tough to be them. It’s SO EASY to start your day at Coffee Bean and sit there the whole day talking the day away. It’s so easy not to THINK about an alternative, more productive way of spending a day. It’s so easy to please yourself with these small pleasure fixers, read: wines, spas, fancy holidays. As it appears, they tend to be so superficial and shallow that they lose their appeal and value right after they are over.
There was a day I went with a friend of mine for a yoga briefing before visiting an ashram. It was a working Friday morning (well, not for me that day). After the briefing, we hopped over to the all-expat-and-datin-paradise – the Bangsar Shopping Complex. We sat down for a coffee and I said to my friend that this is totally fantastic to be sitting here in her good company, a cup of a lovely, dark, strong coffee, gossiping the morning away. I joked and said I could do it for a living. She smiled and said “No, you couldn’t. You would go mental”.
If you have ever envied these ladies, their powers and lifestyle, think again. They may have what you don’t have. But you also have what they wish they had: a peace of mind. A peace of mind of not worrying if there is another sweeter bird out there that will build a better nest for their husband. A peace of mind of not worrying what would happen if their husband cuts the gold supply – would they fit, would they still have friends?
I feel for these women as I’ve spent enough time with them to realize how trapped they are. Or rather how they trapped themselves in the claws of comfort, complacency that resulted in fears and lack of goals with values.
I believe that the happiness of a person is largely dependant on a purpose and a goal they chose to pursue in life. Whatever that goal may be – having kids, raising charity funds, teaching or pursuing a high-flying career. Goals can also be a moving target, they change in different phases in life. Many of the expat-and-datin crowds lived their lives to raise their kids, but once the kids flee, many of them fail to find or even try to find a new purpose in life.
I admire a story of a friend of mine whose parents divorced when his mother was in her 50ties. She was a housewife most of her life. At that point of her life she found herself in an asset dispute with her husband, 4 grown-up kids pursuing their own dreams and very little to do. She dived into doing what she loved and did best – cooking and especially cookie-making. She started off at the back of her kitchen, later expanded to a factory, eventually selling her business off. Today her cookies are served in the first and business class of a few airlines, a top notch chain hotel, delicacy stores of several countries. She never did it for the money, just sheer passion and a desire of finding a new purpose in life. She built her own Cookie Empire.
And so I go back to my initial thoughts – why do we, women, chose to become victims? Why do we permit ourselves be surrounded by such low common-denominator activities that please none by ourselves? Are there no orphanages, charity foundations, abused women, suicidal teenagers, understuffed animal shelters seeking help?
“What did you do today, honey?” he leans forward and asks her over the dinner table. She smiles and thinks really hard to recall her day.
Building a Cookie Empire is not about becoming rich and powerful. It’s about finding and re-defining a meaningful goal in life. People with goals channel their energy towards positive causes, their minds are pre-occupied with thoughts and initiatives that go towards building their goals. And goals here I define as meaningful purposes, not just improving a golf handicap. This is what will give them confidence, independence, self-esteem and happiness. Maybe this is what safes some marriages from falling apart. And even if their marriages fall apart, it’s not the woman who is the absolute victim and a wrack. She will have enough strength to pick herself up and find her own Cookie Empire.
The last time I spoke my mind on this topic with my friend’s mother and her 3 expat-wives-and-datin friends I got nods from some and stares from others. I still haven’t figured out if they stared at me in disagreement or in contemplation. Whatever it was, I wish they find their own Kuey Empire equivalents.
Ax expat wife. A datin. A wife of a rich businessman. A string of thoughts and associations come to your mind right away. Morning coffees at the Bangsar Shopping Complex, early afternoon treatments at this new contemporary balanese spa, afternoon teas at Carcossa. Evening is reserved for pleasing their husbands. I refuse to agree this is stereotyping, just venture out and look.
I’ve caught a glimpse of this worrying world of wealthy but very lost wives by spending time with a mother of a friend of mine. An expat woman herself, with a routine of manicurist visits pre-scheduled days in advance, shopping hunts for the latest Prada handbags, dinner ‘musts’ at the most atmospheric, posh restaurants in town. An expat woman unhappy in her marriage, unhappy with herself, looking for ways to boost her self-esteem, finding consolation in the fact that all her friends are exactly the same.
Why do we, women, choose to become victims? I refuse to comprehend and accept.
On one side it’s tough to be them. It’s SO EASY to start your day at Coffee Bean and sit there the whole day talking the day away. It’s so easy not to THINK about an alternative, more productive way of spending a day. It’s so easy to please yourself with these small pleasure fixers, read: wines, spas, fancy holidays. As it appears, they tend to be so superficial and shallow that they lose their appeal and value right after they are over.
There was a day I went with a friend of mine for a yoga briefing before visiting an ashram. It was a working Friday morning (well, not for me that day). After the briefing, we hopped over to the all-expat-and-datin-paradise – the Bangsar Shopping Complex. We sat down for a coffee and I said to my friend that this is totally fantastic to be sitting here in her good company, a cup of a lovely, dark, strong coffee, gossiping the morning away. I joked and said I could do it for a living. She smiled and said “No, you couldn’t. You would go mental”.
If you have ever envied these ladies, their powers and lifestyle, think again. They may have what you don’t have. But you also have what they wish they had: a peace of mind. A peace of mind of not worrying if there is another sweeter bird out there that will build a better nest for their husband. A peace of mind of not worrying what would happen if their husband cuts the gold supply – would they fit, would they still have friends?
I feel for these women as I’ve spent enough time with them to realize how trapped they are. Or rather how they trapped themselves in the claws of comfort, complacency that resulted in fears and lack of goals with values.
I believe that the happiness of a person is largely dependant on a purpose and a goal they chose to pursue in life. Whatever that goal may be – having kids, raising charity funds, teaching or pursuing a high-flying career. Goals can also be a moving target, they change in different phases in life. Many of the expat-and-datin crowds lived their lives to raise their kids, but once the kids flee, many of them fail to find or even try to find a new purpose in life.
I admire a story of a friend of mine whose parents divorced when his mother was in her 50ties. She was a housewife most of her life. At that point of her life she found herself in an asset dispute with her husband, 4 grown-up kids pursuing their own dreams and very little to do. She dived into doing what she loved and did best – cooking and especially cookie-making. She started off at the back of her kitchen, later expanded to a factory, eventually selling her business off. Today her cookies are served in the first and business class of a few airlines, a top notch chain hotel, delicacy stores of several countries. She never did it for the money, just sheer passion and a desire of finding a new purpose in life. She built her own Cookie Empire.
And so I go back to my initial thoughts – why do we, women, chose to become victims? Why do we permit ourselves be surrounded by such low common-denominator activities that please none by ourselves? Are there no orphanages, charity foundations, abused women, suicidal teenagers, understuffed animal shelters seeking help?
“What did you do today, honey?” he leans forward and asks her over the dinner table. She smiles and thinks really hard to recall her day.
Building a Cookie Empire is not about becoming rich and powerful. It’s about finding and re-defining a meaningful goal in life. People with goals channel their energy towards positive causes, their minds are pre-occupied with thoughts and initiatives that go towards building their goals. And goals here I define as meaningful purposes, not just improving a golf handicap. This is what will give them confidence, independence, self-esteem and happiness. Maybe this is what safes some marriages from falling apart. And even if their marriages fall apart, it’s not the woman who is the absolute victim and a wrack. She will have enough strength to pick herself up and find her own Cookie Empire.
The last time I spoke my mind on this topic with my friend’s mother and her 3 expat-wives-and-datin friends I got nods from some and stares from others. I still haven’t figured out if they stared at me in disagreement or in contemplation. Whatever it was, I wish they find their own Kuey Empire equivalents.
posted by Magdalena Wszelaki @ 12:09 PM
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